Dolemite: The Total Experience. Part 3, Petey Wheatstraw The Devil's Son-In-Law

I bet you thought I wouldn't be back so soon.  Well you thought WRONG!  I am a man on a mission, and I'm here to give you the info you need on Petey Wheatstraw The Devil's Son-In-Law.  This movie is pretty strange compared to the original Dolemite film, but probably on par with The Human Tornado in both comedy and weird factor.  So let's not delay.

In the first scene Rudy informs us that this time around he is Petey Wheatstraw, and he was born during an infamous Miami Hurricane.  The Sheriff from The Human Tornado is a doctor who deliver the titular character during the storm in a dilapidated shack.  During birth the first thing that comes out is a watermelon.  Yep, a watermelon.  Then of course Petey is pulled out.  He is a young boy already, possibly 7 and starts beating up the doctor, and then his dad for waking him up every night.  I assume with romantic interludes with Petey's mamma.

We are then treated to a funky theme about Petey and we see teen-ish Petey being picked on and beaten up in the streets.  An old man named Bantu offers to teach him martial arts and we get a montage filled with things like Petey breaking bricks or slicing up a watermelon with a katana.  That's two watermelons in ten minutes.  Well it turns out that young Petey wants to save the world from misery with the power of stand up comedy so Bantu gives him his blessing.

Shortly after we see a very brief scene of adult Wheatstraw doing Rudy's regular comedy of being vulgar and insulting people.  Then two overweight comedians named Leroy and Skillet are borrowing money to open a swingin' club from a mafia guy named Mr. White who is a bad guy and threatens them even before they get the money.  But they should be fine as no events are scheduled around the time the club will open... or so they think.  It turns out that the infamous Petey Wheatstraw is doing a show in a place called Steve's Den on their opening night.

Petey travels to Steve's Den and hangs out with his business partners for a bit as well as the owner.  When he leaves, some guys are trying to steal parts of his car, so Petey Kung Fus them and forces them to put it all back together after a slapstick chase segment.  One of Petey's business associates, Sheila wants to bang him and he agrees after cautioning her about his moral issue of mixing business with pleasure.  Then the phone rings and it is Leroy who attempts to convince Petey to move the show's date.  Petey says no, so the logical step is for Leroy and Skillet to send cronies led by a dude called Scarface Willie to intimidate Petey's friend and business partner Ted.  Things go awry and they kill Ted's brother Larry which seems a bit over the top until you see what happens next.

So at Larry's funeral at a Baptist church Willie and the crew pull out a tommy gun and wipe out everyone there, including all of Larry's family and Petey Wheatstraw himself.  But suddenly a man named Lucifer wakes up Petey and offers to bring everyone (except Larry) back to life as well as Petey so he can get revenge and do his stand up.  In return the Devil wants Petey to marry his hideous daughter and give her a child.  Petey reluctantly agrees because he doesn't want to spend eternity in a red room for developing film but with a few couches and a mini bar in it.

Immediately after coming back, Petey tells this story to his friends including Ted who goes out to get revenge for his brother.  Petey follows and when Ted gets in over his head, Petey makes an appearance and scares the bad guys.  So Petey goes back to hang out with Sheila.  Before they can bang, the Devil calls and tells him he needs to go get Lucifer's cane from a graveyard where it resides hidden under a tire and some yard waste.  But first he needs to Kung Fu the bad guys that showed up to kill him.

With his new found powers, Petey goes to the club the next day.  The cane leads him to the restroom where he discovers a bomb has been planted.  After a short slapsticky game of hot potato during a bad audition at the club, Petey manages to take it outside and throw it in the back of a truck full of watermelons which explode all over the place.  Man I really want some watermelon now.

So Leroy and Skillet open their club and Petey sneaks in with the help of a flamboyant costume and a vague accent.  I guess Leroy and Skillet were successful at getting Petey to move the date.  Anyway Petey messes with the performance with the help of his newfound demonic powers and starts blowing up the place.  Ted chases after Willie Scarface who decides to stab himself during the scuffle to rob Ted of the satisfaction of revenge.

Then Petey abuses his powers of Satan to help the neighborhood by doing things like turning a cheating husband into a puppy at the request of his wife who was about to murder him, or saving a kid from an oncoming car.  Lucifer informs Petey that his wedding is tomorrow and he should give the cane back.  Well, Petey still needs to use it so he says he will later.  He also convinces Lucifer that he will be meditating just before the wedding so he won't be responsive.  This is so he can go out and kidnap a homeless drunk on the street, drug him up, and put a Petey Wheatstraw mask on him so they can't tell the difference until Petey has driven across the US to escape.  The mask looks good when it's on because of the power of cutting to footage of Rudy on the couch.

So the day of the wedding arrives and Lucifer comes a bit early to give his Son-In-Law a present.  He takes him to a hidden bachelor pad in a condemned building and summons a bunch of devil women for him to bang ON HIS WEDDING DAY!  After banging them to unconsciousness Petey does his switcheroo and shortly after the homeless guy gets in the car, he wakes up and is discovered for a fraud.

Lucifer and his daughter use their powers to create an earthquake which Petey fights back with the cane.  So Lucifer sends some devils after them, but Petey makes them go away again with the cane.  Maybe Lucifer should've taken that cane.  Petey and company attempt to make an escape but it comes down to a rooftop battle with Petey and the Devil.  Petey stops him with the cane, lights the Devil on fire, throws him off the building, and breaks the cane.  However Lucifer can't be killed so he forces Petey Wheatstraw to marry his daughter anyway.

Man this is a weird movie.  If you like The Human Tornado, you will probably like this.  It is essentially, comedy, Kung Fu, and clubs.  The Satan angle makes it unique and thank god because otherwise I would have been bored having just watched a Dolemite movie two days ago.  I would say, if the things I described sound great to you and you don't mind low budget black comedies, this is for you.  Otherwise it really wouldn't work well for you.  I like bad Kung Fu, funky tunes, and Satan so it works well for me.  I think I'll get myself a watermelon now.

Joysticks

Joysticks is a weird film.  Sometime after the popularity of films like Porky's and Animal House, low budget film makers from all over decided they too could make classic adult comedies with less money.  The problem with this is that most of them have less charm.  For every Screwballs, you have at least ten Joysticks, and sadly they are not worth playing with.

This movie happens to have two actors I like, Joe Don Baker, and John Gries.  Joe Don Baker plays the main bad guy, Joseph Rutter, a man who hates the arcade and thinks his daughter spends too much time there.  Jon Gries plays a guy named King Vidiot, the other sort of bad guy.  This is the reason (if any) you should see it.  King Vidiot is a punk guy with weird hair who has a small gang of punk girls, and it's pretty much the best.  You may have seen Jon Gries in Napoleon Dynamite, but I know him best as O.D. the infamous rocker dude from TerrorVision.  Luckily he is just as awesome in this.  I'll get back to him, but let's talk about what the movie is actually about.

So there is this kid named Eugene that is going to his first day of work at a video arcade run by a guy named Jefferson Bailey.  The arcade is frequented by somewhat attractive ladies who all don't seem to mind getting naked or being touched by random people, as well as "colorful" characters such as Jonathan Andrew McDorfus.  Now Dorfus is supposed to be the lovable gross overweight scamp in the film, and only three of those words could be used to describe him.  He is absolutely annoying in this film.  Anything that is gross or is supposed to be "funny" that characters like this do, he does.  The legend goes that Dorfus was class president or something, but shortly after graduating he started to frequent this arcade where he became friends with Bailey.  Sadly, he also became insanely overweight due to the Arcade food, and a complete waste of space, but as far as video games go he can't be beat.

There is this girl named Patsy Rutter who hangs out there and has a pretty terrible valley girl accent.  It brings the arcade to the attention of Joseph Rutter, her father, who thinks that everyone there is terrible.  This is further helped by some college girls who, when convinced the arcade is on fire, are forced to run through the arcade wearing nothing but panties and end up running into the man.  The arcade is obviously a den of filth and scum, so he forces his daughter to leave.  The problem is that this place really is a den of filth and scum, but we are supposed to love it.

So Joseph's cronies try to steal the arcade machines and put the place out of business.  Eugene overhears this and a bunch of guys go there to stop the dudes.  Meanwhile Eugene and Dorfus sneak into the Rutter house for... reasons and Eugene ends up in the arms of a sex starved, drugged up Mrs. Rutter.  Anyway, after the pointless interlude they leave and Rutter's daughter goes with.  Bailey is having some sort of after hours party to celebrate and many of the guys bring their ladies over in the PJ's.  King Vidiot and his crew want to hang out so there is a showdown between Vidiot and Dorfus where the stakes are if Vidiot wins he stays, if not he goes.  They play Satan's Hollow, a pretty awesome game.  The weird thing is they have these big screens that come down near the bar and play it with these huge joystick that you must stand to use.

So Dorfus wins but Bailey lets the punk gang stay, so none of this was relevant.  Then Joseph Rutter comes by and gets angry that his daughter is there.  This launches a battle for Joseph to try and get the arcade closed down.  King Vidiot joins the dark side and attempts to help Joseph with the promise that he will be awarded his own arcade machine.  At some point this comes to a town meeting where Rutter claims the place is tainting the youth, and you know what?  He's right.  It has ruined McDorfus' life and turned Vidiot into a crazed violent punk dude.  Not that I have anything against punks, but this guy is just stupid and mean for no reason.  More importantly it has turned into a place where kids can go to drink, and have sex or sexually assault each other with reckless abandon.  The case is brought to it's knees when Bailey shows a picture they shot earlier with Rutter and the two girls that ran into him in the fake fire incident.  This proves somehow that Rutter is morally bankrupt.  Then the Mayor says that there is no evidence that anything illegal is going on so the arcade will stay open.  The problem with this is that they just saw physical proof that there has been, by way of the slide with Rutter.  There are two naked girls next to him in public, more specifically in the arcade which proves that the patrons are at least guilty of indecent exposure.

For whatever reason Bailey agrees to a match against Rutter's champ King Vidiot, and the arcades chosen valiant warrior Dorfus in a game of Super Pac-man, Vidiot's favorite game.  Then Dorfus is nowhere to be seen and Bailey must face his fears.  Earlier in life Bailey lost his virginity to this girl in an arcade, but right after her dad came in.  Bailey sees the father in the reflection of an arcade screen and the girls father starts hitting her.  Then he takes the girl away and they move somewhere.  This scars Bailey and he can no longer play games or he becomes physically ill.  So Bailey is forced to play against King Vidiot and starts failing bad.

It turns out the cronies kidnapped Dorfus, but when they are not looking, Rutter's wife smells Dorfus' essence and remembers that night of drugged up passion so she goes down to bang him.  He convinces her to let him free with the promise of a gang bang later and goes off to save the day.  When he gets there, King Vidiot has already stopped playing because he was so far ahead of Bailey.  Eugene convinces Dorfus not to take over for Bailey and let him face his fears.  Then he gets good and wins the game, so the arcade is saved.  Bailey and Dorfus rent a motel room so Eugene can go lose his virginity with Mrs. Rutter.  The End.

Wow, this movie is bad.  There are positive things however.  If you want it, there is a lot of ladies wearing virtually nothing.  The music is pretty fun overall.  There is a decent amount of arcade machines to look at and people play them in head to head competition.  Most importantly however, is King Vidiot himself.  He is so awesome that he makes every scene he is in worth it.  He is way too good for this movie.  John Gries is great, and if you want to see him be great in a movie that doesn't suck, watch TerrorVision.  If you already love O.D. from that and simply must have more, I guess you could fast forward through this.  Otherwise just skip it.  Nothing here worth while.

Rodney Recommends for Halloween: House (1986)

Recently, I've been working on a project of sorts that has taken up my time.  So naturally this means very little posting.  That being said, it is related to this blog.  Also, one of my reviews had a huge spike in views and I was rather surprised to discover this.  Anyway I should be doing something for Halloween since it is my favorite holiday and I celebrate it throughout the month.  It's not as though I only watch horror during October either.  Honestly it is my favorite genre.

So naturally I would like to review a movie that was very important in shaping my taste in movies.  When I was little I saw part of Child's Play and it made me very scared of my favorite toy at the time, a My Buddy doll.  The damn thing even looked like me, but nonetheless I buried it as far as I could in the toy box and didn't dare take all the toys out for fear that the face would stare up at me.  I did continue to watch horror and monster movies though.  Most of them until around 7 were classic monster movies, or Godzilla films.

Then this happened, my father decided it was time for me to man up and he showed me some horror movies.  The first one on the list was a movie called House, starring William Katt (The Greatest American Hero).  The movie itself wasn't all that scary, but it did have jump scares and quite a bit of comedy, helped along by George Wendt.  I immediately fell in love with it.  Constantly I tried to show it to people, and still do to this day.  But let's review the damn thing already.

The movie is about a guy named Roger Cobb, a sort of two hit wonder in the horror novel world, who has had problems with writing as of late due to his son having disappeared, his wife leaving him, and his new book being about his traumatic experiences in the Vietnam war with a guy named Ben.  Anyway, fans are clamoring for his new book, and so are his publishers.  It's at this time his Aunt who raised him, commits suicide.  His Aunt always thought her house was haunted and painted morbid pictures as well as talked constantly about it in her old age.  She even blamed Roger's son's disappearance on the haunted house where the child went missing.

Roger decides to stay there and get some writing done after entering it again and quickly experiences paranormal activity.  He meets a neighbor who is pretty damn hilarious, and a fan of Roger Cobb's as well.  When Roger tells his neighbor about the ghost that attacks him in the middle of the night, he doesn't believe Roger.  Of course now Roger is convinced that his Aunt was not only killed by the house, but perhaps the house itself is behind his son's disappearance.  All this while flashing back to his time in Vietnam.

This movie works so well on so many levels.  First of all, it's a comedy horror film, and secondly it's sometimes in Vietnam.  Here and there you will spend time there for a few minutes before cutting back to the real world.  It all makes for some great pacing that keeps you interested.  The film is directed by Steven Miner who also did Friday the 13th 2 and 3.  Also the story (but not script) is by Fred Dekker of Monster Squad fame, and I think it shows.  It is honestly quite brilliant with both horror and comedy working well together as opposed to playing tug of war like some other horror comedies do.  The story itself is engaging enough for the average person, even those new comers with a short attention span, to see it through to the end.  Most importantly, when you do see it through, you are rewarded with a damn fine time as well.

I won't say much more as, despite it being popular I think there are plenty who haven't seen it and would love it not to be spoiled.  Here's what I can say for quality though.  I have been watching this movie around every year or two for more than 20 years now.  Clearly it must be good.