The Cyclops (1957)

This is one of those movies you would see on in the middle of the night, or hosted by a horror host back in the day.  I don't think your average person would go around seeking this out, but I have some fond memories of seeing this movie in the middle of the night, and that's when you should be watching it.  With all the bad but kind of great effects this has, it really is a joy to watch.

A woman named Susan hires a crew of guys to help her find her missing fiance who crashed three years ago in a remote area in Mexico.  She travels with Russ, a friend of her boyfriend Bruce.  She also travels with Lee, a pilot, and Marty, a guy looking for uranium to sell.  They travel in a four person plane, so just in case they find Bruce, they won't have room to take him back.  He crashed in restricted air space so Susan attempts to get a permit from the local governor so she can go freely there.  I know, exciting adventure movie right?  Anyway he says no and wants to send a security guard with to make sure they fly back.  So they start up the plane, Marty punches the dude in the face, and they take off without him.

They finally get to their destination and right away Marty is getting readings on his science device thingy... I forgot what it was called because I really don't care, informing him there is uranium around.  Russ sees a giant lizard but assumes his eyes are playing tricks on him.  Marty decides he wants to go back and stake their claim on the uranium, but Susan isn't willing since she hasn't been looking for Bruce for more than five minutes and everyone agrees to camp out in this dangerous radiation filled desert.  Russ confesses his love for Susan and shortly after, they see a dog sized rat get killed by a twelve foot bird.  Unfazed by this, Susan refuses to believe that her husband would have died in this harsh environment.  So they go camping since it is kind of late.  Shortly into that they hear growling from a distance.  Lee wants to go get some meat to eat, but Russ informs them of what he and Susan saw earlier.

Lee, Russ, and Susan go to see what that is and Marty stays behind.  What they discover is a giant tarantula that mostly just walks away, and two giant lizards fighting so they run away.  Everyone wants to stay except Marty who is saying they are crazy, and rightly so.  Russ goes out later and gets some lizard tissue from the lizard that lost, but isn't dead apparently.  He looks at it and discovers that the animals are getting big because of radiation and they will likely never stop growing.  He also mentions that staying here for another couple days will affect them due to radiation.  So everyone agrees to leaving... except Susan.

So in the morning Susan goes off on her own and finds the wing of Bruce's plane.  But she also discovers the titular character of the film.  She screams as the cyclops caries her off.  The men go after her and find her in a cave, hysterical, and surrounded by Bruce's belongings as well as plane bits.  The Cyclops traps them in the cave with a big boulder, and he peaks over the boulder, yelling at them.  After discussing the futility of their situation, Marty tries to leave so Russ punches him in the face and Marty stops.  The Cyclops then comes back and peaks over the boulder to growl some more.  Susan is elected to talk to the Cyclops due to her feminine voice being more soothing and it seems to help, until Marty grabs a rifle and shoots the Cyclops.  The Cyclops gets angry and attacks Marty who we then assume is dead because they say so, but you don't really see it.  

The Cyclops then grabs Susan and the rest of the frame in the movie and takes them away to out of the cave where he tries to talk to her until a giant snake attacks him.  The snake is actually kind of cute.  So the Cyclops gently places the snake off screen with a thud sound effect in order to defeat it.  In the struggle, the rest of the crew tries to get away.

There's more,  about ten or fifteen minutes more in fact, but I don't want to give away the "Big Reveal".  However, if you can't tell where this movie is going or what the ending is going to be about twenty minutes in, you should probably worry about yourself.  The story is insanely obvious.  That doesn't stop it from being fun though.  It isn't the kind of movie made for deep thought provoking messages or even heavy critique, which makes this and pretty much every review of it somewhat obsolete from the start.  When you see the poster, and possibly a few stills from this movie, you are going to know whether or not it is for you.

I enjoy this type of thing.  It would be a cool late night viewing type of movie, if you like cheap 1950's atomic Sci-Fi or Horror stuff.  There are some effects that are kind of fun and a bunch of not so great stuff.  The movie is predictable but not in an unlikable way.  With that being said, I'd like to show a quick visual of the sort of effects I am talking about and let you decide for yourself.  It is also from the end of the movie, but it is likely you don't care about spoilers for a movie this old right?  The movie is also just over an hour long so it really isn't painful or anything.  I say give it a watch.

Don't Look in the Basement

Don't Look in the Basement, or The Forgotten is a true classic of the Drive-In world.  Often when given a watch from a modern audience, they tend to find it boring and stupid.  In some ways they have a point.  This movie is the very definition of pinning all hopes on a strong premise, and it is strong.  The major problem with this movie is just how wacky psychology is in the movie.  But I'm generally a positive guy when I review stuff, so what did I think of the movie?

Well we start off in a sort of big house that is a mental institute run by a man named Dr. Stevens.  He doesn't believe in a doctor patient relationship and prefers to deal with the patients by letting them act out and treating them as family.  This seems strange when you realize that most of his patients are prone to bursts of violence, but apparently he has spent years gaining their trust.  That doesn't stop a patient named Judge Cameron from getting carried away while chopping wood and the honorable Judge gives Dr. Stevens the axe.

Another doctor named Masters takes over for him being the only qualified person on staff.  She has a patient named Sam help her with the clean up of Stevens.  I should mention the people who stay there.  Sam is a big black guy who has the mind of a child.  He also loves to play with toy boats.  He is pretty tame.  Allyson is a nymphomaniac with schizophrenia.  There is the previously mentioned Judge Cameron who may only think he is a Judge.  A guy they call Sargeant who has PTSD and killed members of his platoon.  There is an old woman named Callingham who speaks in ominous poems and really loves flowers.  Jennifer mostly cowers in corners and looks creepy.  Danny is a prank playing red head who is also childlike.  Then there is Harriet.

So Harriet has a baby doll that she thinks is real and is protecting her with violent tendencies.  She murders a nurse working there shortly after the death of Dr. Stevens.  This leaves them with a staff consisting of just Dr. Masters.  As it turns out a woman named Charlotte Beale applied for a job there with Stevens a week prior to his death.  After a week she comes there to claim the job only to discover that Stevens is dead and has told Dr. Masters nothing at all about the new employee, or even that there was to be one so Masters is reluctant to hire her.  Charlotte gave up her whole life to take this job and despite the news of violent patients, is determined to work there regardless.  So Masters hires her.

Not all is well here though.  It turns out the phone lines don't work and very shortly after Charlotte makes a bit of progress with the patients, Jennifer attacks Charlotte with a knife and Danny becomes infatuated with her, and is caught looming over her.  She wakes because Judge catches Danny looming.  Judge is also looming, but with an axe and makes mention of wanting to kill her... sort of.  Another occurrence is Allyson seducing the phone repairman with a rampant sex drive and threats of violence.

This all seems pretty fascinating and scary, but I assure you most of what happens is spread out between a lot of nothing or back loaded at the end of the movie.  Not that it's bad or anything.  In fact for my tastes if more happened I would think it was a bit of overload and start to wonder why Charlotte hadn't left earlier.  Much of this happens in the last half hour by the way except the phone guy banging Allyson.  There is something else that happens too, but I won't get into it.  Many people get killed in pretty brutal ways in this movie, and you see Allyson's upper assets a few times as well which is nice.  What really sells this is the ending.  Nearly every review you will ever read will talk about this awesome ending, and they will either spoil it, or tell you to watch it for yourself.  I choose to go with the second option because I think this movie has fallen into relative obscurity and it could be enjoyable for those that want to watch it to enjoy it for themselves.

Don't Look in the Basement is a prime example of Drive-In cinema in all it's glory and if you want to know what it was like to be a young teen in Texas watching sleazy gore and nudity in the comfort of your own car, I suggest this highly.  But get some snacks because you will want to munch and zone out partway through.  The good stuff actually makes this movie worth it I think and to be honest I like this movie a bit more than some other well know Drive-In fair such as Color Me Blood Red.  Normally I don't give movies ratings but with this one I will.  3 out of 5 I'd say.  This I feel is a good score.  Young folks nowadays think that average or slightly above means it sucks which is totally not true.

Heed these words well, a rating that is half of the full, like 5 out of 10, means that at the very least it is better than half the things you've seen in your life.  So a rating of 3 out of 5 should mean that it is better than average.  2 out of 5 means it's better than a fifth of what you've seen but nothing too great, and 4 out of 5 is pretty damn good.  this means 1 out of 5 is bad and 5 out of 5 is as good as it gets.  So now you know how to actually rate a movie, but does this mean I recommend Don't Look in the Basement?  Not really.  I would say if you are a casual movie watcher just don't bother, especially if you are young and have no attention span.  If you are a horror fan though then you better sit yourself down.  This is something you should see at least once.  Especially if you know what the hell I mean by Drive-In fair.  Remember folks, as Joe Bob Briggs said, "The Drive-In will never die."

Terror of Mechagodzilla

I was very into Godzilla movies as a kid.  I tried my best to see them whenever they were on TV no matter what time they were on.  I also rented them when available at rental stores.  For whatever reason, one of the Godzilla films that sticks out the most for me is Terror of Mechagodzilla.  This is indeed a sequel to the previous Mechagodzilla film, but like most of these movies, you can catch on pretty quick.

The film stars off with a montage of Godzilla history, some a little inaccurate, but awesome regardless because right away you get to see monsters fighting.  Most importantly you get to see the most awesome part of Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla where Mechagodzilla shoots Godzilla a bunch and Godzilla sprays blood all over the place.  Then Godzilla uses some kind of magnetic radiation power to shoot the rockets out of his body and keep Mechagodzilla grounded so he can behead him.  It is important to know that Mecha was created by Aliens that want to take over the world.

Anyway in this movie some scientists are looking for the remains of Mechagodzilla in the ocean when they are attacked by some Aquatic Godzilla-like Dinosaur known as Titanosaurus, who doesn't look like a Titanosaurus.  They are attacked and killed which leads a team of biologists to investigate this incident with Interpol.  I forgot to mention the Sub is body slammed into the ocean and explodes.

The biologist main character in this movie is called Ichinose.  Meanwhile, aliens disguised as Japanese people who look that way without any real disguising want to destroy Tokyo and make a Neo-Tokyo with the help of a shunned scientists named Mafune, who believed he could control a dinosaur he was looking for known as Titanosaurus with some device he made.  Got all that?  Well it gets weirder from there.  You see, Mafune has a daughter named Katsura who helped him with his research.  Sadly due to some faulty wiring, Katsura was shocked to death during an experiment and the Aliens revived her by making her a cyborg.  This makes Mafune in debt to the Aliens.  Combine that with his hatred for mankind for not believing in his life's work and it leads him to help the Aliens with a new Mechagodzilla as well as controlling Titanosaurus.

Interpol and the scientists now believe Mafune and want his help to find this creature, but they are too late.  This does introduce Ichinose to Katsura however and the two fall in love basically over a couple meetings and one date.  So Katsura warns Ichinose about going after Titanosaurus but he doesn't listen.  They build a better Sub and narrowly escape dying.  This meeting in the water does help them to discover that Titanosaurus is weak against super sonic waves, so they build a sonic oscillator.

Ichinose tells Katsura this and they are overheard by the Aliens.  Then when Titanosaurus and Godzilla are about to fight in Tokyo the Aliens capture Katsura and put Mechagodzilla's controls in her stomach.  Then they also capture Ichinose and tie him up in the control room where Katsura now controlled by the Alien's lackey Tsuda, is controlling Mechagodzilla and Titanosaurus with her eye beams and a computer, all while Mafune looks on in the same room.

So anyway, with less than a half hour left Mechagodzilla finally comes out to play.  What follows is a damn fine Godzilla battle where the King of Monsters is clearly outmatched.

Ichinose gets free and goes after Tsuda while this one Interpol dude who is in the movie a lot comes in and shoots Mafune and Katsura.  Once Mafune and Tsuda are taken care of, Katsura can think again.  Interpol and the scientists finally use their oscillator to stop Titanosaurus for a bit so Godzilla can focus on Mecha.  Ichinose holds the hurt Katsura and says, "Even if you are a cyborg, I still love you."  Katsura however reveals that the controls are in her stomach and shoots herself with a ray gun.  This allows Godzilla to take down the monsters, blow up the escaping Alien ships, and return to the sea once again.

This movie is awesome, at least by Godzilla standards.  There is so much monsters and models destroyed, as well as monsters fighting.  Just as importantly, the human story is equally ridiculous which makes it so much more watchable than some of the other movies.  The main problem with these films is that for the most part the humans follow the same formula, even in this one sort of, so that story always seems like it gets in the way of the crazy big monster fights that everyone wants to see.  Luckily the story is so entertain and strange in this one that the whole movie really feels worth the watch.  I like scientists walking around in rooms and discussing things by the way.  Pacing isn't always an issue for me as long as something is going on.  Sameness is the problem with most Godzilla films, but not so with Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, and Terror of Mechagodzilla.  Really I love to watch all of them, but if I were to introduce someone to Godzilla and I didn't start with the original, this is probably a great place to start.

Rodney Recommends for Halloween: House (1986)

Recently, I've been working on a project of sorts that has taken up my time.  So naturally this means very little posting.  That being said, it is related to this blog.  Also, one of my reviews had a huge spike in views and I was rather surprised to discover this.  Anyway I should be doing something for Halloween since it is my favorite holiday and I celebrate it throughout the month.  It's not as though I only watch horror during October either.  Honestly it is my favorite genre.

So naturally I would like to review a movie that was very important in shaping my taste in movies.  When I was little I saw part of Child's Play and it made me very scared of my favorite toy at the time, a My Buddy doll.  The damn thing even looked like me, but nonetheless I buried it as far as I could in the toy box and didn't dare take all the toys out for fear that the face would stare up at me.  I did continue to watch horror and monster movies though.  Most of them until around 7 were classic monster movies, or Godzilla films.

Then this happened, my father decided it was time for me to man up and he showed me some horror movies.  The first one on the list was a movie called House, starring William Katt (The Greatest American Hero).  The movie itself wasn't all that scary, but it did have jump scares and quite a bit of comedy, helped along by George Wendt.  I immediately fell in love with it.  Constantly I tried to show it to people, and still do to this day.  But let's review the damn thing already.

The movie is about a guy named Roger Cobb, a sort of two hit wonder in the horror novel world, who has had problems with writing as of late due to his son having disappeared, his wife leaving him, and his new book being about his traumatic experiences in the Vietnam war with a guy named Ben.  Anyway, fans are clamoring for his new book, and so are his publishers.  It's at this time his Aunt who raised him, commits suicide.  His Aunt always thought her house was haunted and painted morbid pictures as well as talked constantly about it in her old age.  She even blamed Roger's son's disappearance on the haunted house where the child went missing.

Roger decides to stay there and get some writing done after entering it again and quickly experiences paranormal activity.  He meets a neighbor who is pretty damn hilarious, and a fan of Roger Cobb's as well.  When Roger tells his neighbor about the ghost that attacks him in the middle of the night, he doesn't believe Roger.  Of course now Roger is convinced that his Aunt was not only killed by the house, but perhaps the house itself is behind his son's disappearance.  All this while flashing back to his time in Vietnam.

This movie works so well on so many levels.  First of all, it's a comedy horror film, and secondly it's sometimes in Vietnam.  Here and there you will spend time there for a few minutes before cutting back to the real world.  It all makes for some great pacing that keeps you interested.  The film is directed by Steven Miner who also did Friday the 13th 2 and 3.  Also the story (but not script) is by Fred Dekker of Monster Squad fame, and I think it shows.  It is honestly quite brilliant with both horror and comedy working well together as opposed to playing tug of war like some other horror comedies do.  The story itself is engaging enough for the average person, even those new comers with a short attention span, to see it through to the end.  Most importantly, when you do see it through, you are rewarded with a damn fine time as well.

I won't say much more as, despite it being popular I think there are plenty who haven't seen it and would love it not to be spoiled.  Here's what I can say for quality though.  I have been watching this movie around every year or two for more than 20 years now.  Clearly it must be good.

Mutant/Night Shadows 1984

It has been a while since I posted something.  This requires a bit of explanation.  It turns out that I have a real life outside of the hobby of posting reviews, and sometimes that gets in the way.  Probably more so because I don't do this for a job or anything.  Enough of that though, let us get to the action.

Mutant, also known as Night Shadows and a few other things, is a 1984 horror film starring a guy named Wings Hauser.  What an awesome name by the way.  We need more people named ridiculous things.  How about Jet Panzer? That sounds pretty action like.  Anyway I saw this film recently and thought I would fill you in as it seems this movie isn't talked about too often.

The movie is about two brothers named Josh (Wings) and Mike who are on vacation, spending time with each other for the first time in eight years.  They decide to go somewhere and start driving recklessly, which invokes the wrath of a group of rednecks in a truck that runs them off the road.  So sadly they have to go to redneck town in order to get their car fixed.  The first thing they do is find a dead body, and Mike wants to report it.  They go to a bar asking around for the police where they run into the rednecks from before who start a bar brawl.  In this fight they are nearly killed by these maniacs when a Sheriff finally stops them.  Mike informs the Sheriff of the dead guy, but when they go to find him, some other bum is laying where he was.  Then Mike and Josh stay at a local Bed and Breakfast where Mike is attacked from under his bed by someone emitting a lot of smoke.

When Josh wakes up bright and early at the crack of noon to get his car fixed so he can leave this crazy town where he was nearly killed twice in the duration of a night, he discovers Mike is gone.  So he goes into town and the only place open is a bar.  Here he discovers that many people in town are getting sick.  This leads to an "investigation" where we learn that people in town are turning into mutant zombie things and attacking people.

They seem to bleed yellow acid stuff from openings in their hands and they are made from toxic waste.  All this leads to a few people in town running from these creatures.  Much of them are townsfolk who attack them in one long stand off moment at the end of the film.

I feel I have spoiled too much already, especially for a movie that has likely not been seen too many times.  So let's tell you what I think of it.  The movie is pretty slow paced, even though things seem to happen often early on.  It is however, largely just talking.  This isn't a problem for me but I could see someone giving up on this movie easily.  It really has the feel of a 50's horror film where people talk about vague science and investigate until a big finale of sorts.  If I had watched it some other time I may not have enjoyed it a whole lot, but I was kind of in the mood for that sort of thing so I was lucky.  

There is virtually no violence to speak of, and no ladies or dudes get nekkid in it so you can't really look forward to that.  The thing with this movie is that throughout it I felt it had some charm I couldn't put my finger on.  This is the kind of movie you show to a seven year old to scare them because it doesn't have much R rated content, but that doesn't mean it is stupid or anything.  Nothing in the movie is truly good or bad, it just happens to be okay.  The most stellar thing about it is the soundtrack by Richard Band which is very appropriate and fun throughout.  I don't know why but the whole thing was just kind of fun.  If you are looking for a bad movie you can laugh at, this isn't it.  If you are looking for a great scary movie, this isn't it either.  But if you are just looking for something half decent that you haven't seen and are bored... here you go.

Just a quick note here.  When I did my Dolemite review, (My least viewed review.) I mentioned that I plan on reviewing all the movies in the Dolemite Experience Box.  I still plan on doing that, but I will do movies like this in between as well.

Burial Ground: Nights of Terror

Here's the thing, I love zombie movies.  Since the first time I saw Night of the Living Dead (thanks basic cable) my life was changed.  I was around eight at the time and it would be fair to say that my obsession with horror started right then.  Being haunted by the fact that no one survived and Ben got shot in the head even though he was human, I began seeking out everything horror, and more specifically zombies.

Nowadays there are a million zombie movies though.  Ones based on classic books, but with zombies, ones where scouts fight zombies, it is a bit out of control.  Thanks Walking Dead/ Dawn of the Dead remake/ Resident Evil, you have ruined it for me.  The worst thing however is zombie comedy.  Don't get me wrong, I like Shaun of the Dead as much as the next guy but after the fiftieth zombie comedy, you tend to stop finding it funny.  Burial Ground keeps getting funnier every time I see it though.  You probably need explanation, so on to the review.

A bearded man who is a professor of something informs us that only he knows the secret to whatever it is that he knows while pouring over some book and a couple of papers.  Shortly after he gets eaten by what we can assume is zombies due to the lighting being poor.  Though this may be due to my VHS copy.

So a bunch of people arrive at a mansion for some reason in three cars.  One woman who I learn later is named Leslie, is wearing a kinky outfit and she says that she found in the room they are staying in. To which her husband/lover replies, "You look just like a little whore, but I like that." and then they bang.  A shadowy figure creeps up on them and in a surprise turn of events, the figure is actually creeping up on a different husband and wife.  They are his parents George, and Evelyn whose name I only discovered by writing down other people's names and then fact checking with the credits.  I don't recall her name being spoken.  That is just how this movie is so I will forgo the other explanations of this.  Anyway Evelyn's son is Michael and he is played by Peter Bart, a rather short adult.  Oddly he is dubbed by someone who passes for a kid even less when it comes to vocals.  From what I gather from the context, George is a step dad.  Peter Bart, looks like this

True face of horror right?  So then a blonde in her night clothes named Janet immediately says to her husband/boyfriend named Mark that something bad is going to happen, but he puts an end to her paranoid ramblings by making out with her.  Then zombies appear and shamble along to let you know that this is a zombie movie.

Everyone is arguing at the dinner table and it turns out they had all been invited to the Professor in the beginning who has been researching the undead.  I looks like they don't have to go far to find out more about it though.  After a brief discussion, most of them go outside.  Janet is out taking pictures with her husband and she is apparently clumsy.  The lights start acting strange at the house and begin to explode which scares the maid and butler.  Of course we are now treated to zombies coming out of seemingly everywhere to attack Janet and Mark as they are about to bang outside.  Then even more zombies come out to a cacophony of annoying electronic sounds.

Evelyn, George, and Michael are in some room with statues where the two adults are playing with firearms with their eyes closed.  Suddenly Michael gets really clingy with his mom.  Zombies attack them though and they try to shoot the things but it doesn't work.  It actually looks gross and kind of cool when they are shot in slow motion.  The zombies kill George and start tearing apart his stomach.  This also looks cool.  Michael escapes with mommy.

When you are a clumsy person you end up getting stuck in bear traps that are just laying around, just like Janet does.  As Janet and Mark struggle with the trap rather hilariously, zombies come for them.  So Mark grabs a pitchfork, but quickly loses it and waits for the zombie to wrap its hands around his neck.  Luckily James and Leslie arrive with rocks to smash some zombie heads, which looks pretty gruesome.

Zombies appear to be surrounding the cars, so they have to try and get back into the mansion.  After doing so, the zombies give up and they start to board up the place.  The maid goes off searching in the dark and looks out a window where her hand gets skewered by a zombie with excellent throwing skills.  Afterwards her head is sawed off by a scythe.  The zombies rip her apart and then equip themselves with sharp objects to hack through the door.  So James goes on a head exploding spree.

Janet seems to have only bruised her ankle from the bear trap.  While Leslie is looking around a zombie breaks through the window and tries to "Zombi 2" Leslie's eye, but the glass misses and gets her face.  Janet can't escape the zombies coming in, but Mark and James start bashing skulls for her.  Then Evelyn machetes some zombies to protect her son.  Michael returns the favor by trying to suckle on his mother's breast and fondling her.  Evelyn rejects her son's advances.

The group decides to let the zombies in and walk past them because zombies are slow, which seems stupid.  So Evelyn goes looking for Michael and follows a blood trail to where Leslie is munching down on her son.  Evelyn smashes her to death on a bathtub.

The zombies get in so the crew goes walking around.  Somehow, just the butler runs into the Professor who is now a zombie and gets killed.  Day comes and they make their escape to a monastery where the priests are all zombies.  James is killed in this fiasco so Mark, Janet and Evelyn escape to a workshop of some kind where they find zombie Michael.  Evelyn is so happy to see her son that she let's him suckle her, at which point he tears her nipple off with his teeth.  As she is being eaten, the zombies shove Mark's face into a table saw and surround Janet.  The End.

This movie is made up of chaos, very little plot, and some pretty offensive material.  There is a decent amount of naked ladies, a lot of violence, and one scene with both.  The movie is mostly remembered now for Peter Bart and his on screen mother's relationship, and justifiably so.  The first time I saw this I could not believe what was going on.  I have now watched the movie three times.  I recommend this to hardcore horror fans and those that are already used to Italian horror films.  This movie is pure chaotic enjoyment.  Sure the character's logic makes no sense and very little is explained, but who cares.  This movie is exactly what it needs to be, totally ridiculous and awesome.

Robo Vampire

In 1988, a man named Godfrey Ho dared to take two movies that were unrelated (but surprisingly neither involved ninjas) and make a strange cult film that the internet chose to remember for some reason.  Those of you who watch internet reviewers have probably already seen a review for this movie by someone, and likely this means you are familiar with Godfrey Ho as well.  The man made a career of making low or no budget films at a dizzying rate.  It didn't matter if a movie of his failed to make any money because there were always a few more on the way already.  Often times he would get stock footage or buy unfinished films to make up a portion of his movies and film new scenes to make it complete.  This had the unfortunate effect of making them pretty incoherent.  Regardless, lets look at this crazy thing.

To start with, Army guys leading a person covered in denim to... somewhere are attacked by a hopping vampire dude when they start opening coffins for seemingly no reason.  That is how this movie starts.  Then a guy with a mustache comes down some stairs and says,"We must find a way to handle Tom, that goddamn anti drug agent."  His has employed a Taoist and his lackeys to train some vampires.

So a guy named Ken, who likes to dress as Waldo is busy at work loading vampires and drugs into some coffins.  I think the plan is for the vampires to protect the drugs or something.  A guy wearing black scolds him momentarily for screwing around and after Ken hits his nuts the vampires wake up, so fighting ensues.  They stop the vampires with their exorcising papers or whatever and soon discover the drugs they have are not real.

Taoist, the leader of the vampire trainers wakes one up in another scene to show off his sweet vampire wrangling abilities, but is soon interrupted by a woman named Christine.  She wears see through clothes and is hellbent on revenge due to the vampire being her husband.  This causes them to no longer be able to spend eternity together, so naturally she is mad.  Then the vampire wakes up and starts attacking her, but suddenly stops when he recognizes her sweet gecko tattoo.  Taoist and crew start to refer to her as a ghost and she decides to help them as long as she is allowed to get married to her vampire husband.  This relationship is too confusing for me.  A vampire and a ghost, but they have to get remarried?  Why?  Oh, the vampire is named Peter by the way.  But most importantly, where the hell are all the robots I was promised?

Anyway, Taoist and crew are driving along the road when they are ambushed by Army guys with what seems to be automatic shotguns.  They send out a vampire who shoots some fireworks and kills a guy named Tom.  Some people are working on poor Tom and one of them says, "I want to make use of his body to make an android like robot."  So after a verbal application is submitted, they make Robo Tom.  They refer to him as Robo Warrior and he looks like this

So another movie is going on where some blonde agent is kidnapped and they send a dude out to save her.  That continues and I get bored, but what I didn't know is that most of the rest of the actual Robo Vampire part of the movie is just Tom fighting vampires, which is cool.  Eventually the other movie grows on me as it has decent fight scenes, and some violence.  Robo Tom eventually faces off against the ghost, and her husband that have some lovin' together (though not much) and he also kills the Taoist.  The other movie gets rid of the other characters.

Robo Vampire is a pretty strange movie overall.  The cover with a picture of Robocop is what usually makes people watch it.  The movie has some decent violence and martial arts sequences, and some really bad robot fighting vampire scenes.  There is also some naked ladies, so at least they checked that off the list.  The story is fairly scattered and unimportant when it comes down to it, and that's odd considering there are two of them kind of.  Another thing to note is that there is a part where a woman cuts open a real dead animal and stuffs drugs into it.  For me, this is hard to watch.  I recommend this to a bunch of drunk people, or anyone who seeks out "bad movies" in general as this is not good in terms of quality.  I would also recommend it to Godfrey Ho fans that haven't seen it.  Normal human beings could probably skip it though.  I mostly enjoyed what it had to offer, but there are better Godfrey Ho movies out there and I will probably just watch one of those next time I feel the need for something like this.  Better Godfrey Ho movies with Ninjas, and Zombies.